Conquering My Fear of the Deep End

Water. Natural. Beautiful and potentially deadly. And there lies one of my favourite and feared places. Sounds strange that I love being in the water yet had a deadly fear of the deep end.

I have had basic swimming skills from when I was small, I could swim, ungracefully but couldn’t breathe. So basically I was head down swimming for dear life from point A to point B. My distance was limited to how long I could hold my breath. As I child, I was “not allowed” to swim in public pools because my parents deemed them unhygienic. When we visited back home (Trinidad), playing at the beach was encouraged but learning true swimming skills never passed on. All my uncles and father could swim because my family comes from a coastal town. Back home they learned how to swim by being thrown in the water and surviving the ordeal.

In North America however, children of African descent don’t learn how to swim (for a plethora of reasons), leaving us limited in the ability to enjoy the water and dangerously at risk for drowning.

A very real part of my fear was almost drowning when I was 8. As I mentioned before, we were “not allowed” in public pools and obedience as a child is sometimes a challenge (don’t judge me LOL). So one faithful day, when ALL my friends (well maybe not all but a lot of them) went to the local pool, my younger sister and I decided to join them. Our plan was that it was sooo hot outside that we would be completely dry and our parents would never know that we were in the pool. And if our hair was a little wet we would say we were playing in the sprinklers (again, don’t judge, God is at work!) LOL. Anyway… of course in the midst of the pool fun, I, in my infinite wisdom decided to see how far I could “WALK” in the pool (cause I was sooo wise at 8).

I boldly started walking towards the deep end thinking “I can handle this” “This is not so bad” until the bottom dropped out and I was drinking pool! Needless to say, the lifeguards jumped in and saved me and to add insult to injury, one of my “informa” (said with an accent) older sisters saw the melee and told my mom. So in one day, I almost drown (cementing my fear of the deep end) and got licks (aka slaps) for breaking the rules…

Back to my story… So with my first son (now 22) I continued the unhealthy legacy of “no swimming lessons” of which I truly REGRET! My second son learnt to swim at camp and my baby girl started swimming lessons 3 years ago. She is now about to become a life guard and it was in the stands watching her learn to swim that I was inspired to learn to swim properly myself! So 2 years ago, I signed up for swimming lessons at 40 years old and learnt how to swim, breath and enjoy my favourite place a little more.

Great right? WRONG! Though I knew how to swim “properly” I didn’t go into the deep end. Why? FEAR.

Fear of

• What if I get tired
• What if I make a mistake
• What if
• What if
• What if

So I would safely do my laps in medium height water, where, if I wanted to, my feet could touch the ground.

Last night that all changed!!!

One of the ways I reach my goals is by speaking them out loud. I usually keep what I really want to do TOP SECRET in fear that I won’t achieve what I really want to achieve and scared to truly believe it can be done (yes, God is still working on me).

For 2014 I want to become a life guard! But to save lives, I have to release all my water fear, especially the deep end. I nervously mentioned this to my swim teacher who said “that’s great! I’ll work with you” and quickly exchanged numbers and planned a date to meet in the pool.

That was last night! As I got ready to go to the pool, I was wishing in my heart that she didn’t show up. I wasn’t ready to face this fear. But there she was like clockwork at 8:45PM saying “ready to go in the deep end?” My answer “No! Let’s start with laps”.

She started taking me through basic things, testing my comfort level, which is very high because I’m in the water almost 5 days a week.

I surface dived, treaded water and started doing laps in the deep in. All good right? Then she said “let’s go to the bottom of the deep end.”

WHAT THE WHAT!

She did it, I watched. It looked simple enough but then it was my turn.

I mustered up all my 42 year old courage (while feeling like a scared child), running logic statements in my mind “she’s right here”, “she’s not going to allow me to drown” “blah blah blah”

I took a deep breath and went down… I kept my eyes open, watched myself descend, checked out the surroundings, waited to feel fear overtake me… but it didn’t.

All these years I imagined a dark scary place that once you were there “things” would grap on to you, you would gulp down belly-fulls of water and croak!

It didn’t happen.

It was bright, friendly; absolutely unscarry and I knew what I was doing.

I followed her instructions, got to the bottom of the deep end and bounced back up. ME. I did it.

When I came up, she asked “how was it? Are you okay?” I said “yes, I’m good. I saw the Lord.” She laughed, but I wasn’t playing. (do you feel me?)

As I descended, God said to me “This is what you were afraid of? There’s nothing scary down here. You are more than able.” As I ascended back up He said again “You are more than able!”

From there, we spent another hour and a half in the deep end, going down several times, doing drills and truly conquering that fear.

What’s the point?

What are you afraid of?  (really take a moment and answer this questions)

I strongly recommend that you “do your fear”.

In doing your fear you expose the LIE of the fear.

You dis-empower the “I can’t” of the fear.

Even if you are trembling with fear (speaking from experience), trust that you can overcome it and you will. Yes be responsible, ensure all safety precautions are taken but don’t allow fear to stop you from being all you can be and doing all you can do.

Fear is false evidence/emotions appearing real. Turn the LIGHT on and expose fear for what it is… a lie!

Be encouraged! Everyone should learn how to swim. I met a woman today who shared with me that she was so glad to see me at the pool. She said “our kind” doesn’t do well in the water and that she just learnt to swim at 70 years old.

CALL TO ACTION!

If you are of African descent, BREAK THE STRONGHOLD! Get swimming lessons and ensure all the children in your life learn to swim. And to all my brothers and sisters of all races, GET SWIMMING LESSONS! Swimming is not a nice to have, it’s a life skill as important as learning to read, write, do math (you get the picture).

We declare and decree, FEAR shall not shackle our feet for another day! In Jesus transformative name!

“God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified Bible

PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO:

http://t.co/swjFOZxgdG

About the video:

After nearly drowning at the age of five, Cullen Jones overcame his fear of water to win a gold medal at the 2008Beijing Olympics. He was also the first African-American male to hold a world record in swimming. Over the past three years, Cullen has tirelessly advocated for the importance of learning to swim, and has been able to convey the message of water safety and education to a wide audience of parents, learn-to-swim providers, educators and community leaders

Check out my blog weekly for new articles!

Amaka Grant